Here we are on the 7th day of January and already I am not doing well on my goals. That isnt' to say that the whole year is shot, but it isn't looking good. Must. work. harder. on. goals.


One of my unstated goals (and apparently the only one I am focusing *any* attention on at the moment) is to be pregnant and, hopefully, have a 2005 baby. What is it about TTC that makes you so super tuned into EVERY LITTLE THING your body is doing?

If I have a twinge, I wonder if it is an ovulation cramp. Tired? must be an early sign of pregnancy (wishing with all hope). Don't we all show signs within the first 24 hours of the possibility even if there really is not possibility because a) you haven't ovulated, b)you ovulated a week earlier than expected and didn't baby dance, c)you ovulated a week earlier than expected based on basal temps but all other signs are pointing to the normal timing. I can't stop thinking about pregnancy.

Okay, I know that if I stop obsessing and thinking about it all the time then I will get pregnant (isn't that how it is supposed to happen?). The problem with this is that when I plan to stop thinking about it then did I really stop?

I am crazy to the point that I almost welcome illnesses because I get a day or two when I can think that *this* is my month before my world crashes and the reality of just being sick settles in. Never in my life have I welcomed nausea like I do now. I think I could honestly embrace morning sickness right now. Really. Stop laughing. Sore and leaking boobs? Bring it on. I am so ready for another baby that all the things I was scared of and downright disliked about being pregnant and mothering a newborn seem like minor obstacles right now.

After carefully listening to those around me, I have begun to form my plan for pregnancy.

1. take herbs to help lengthen my luteal phase.

2. LOTS of ...um...quality time with my husband (he will like that one)

3. Give away all of the baby clothes and other baby items that I have been saving and hoarding. Does it count if I only loan them out or do I honestly need to get rid of everything to lift this jinx? I will be sad to part with that $400 baby bed (which, btw, I have no idea what we were thinking when be bought it).

4. Continue to lose weight.

5. Walk Away the Effing Pounds.

6. Surround myself with all sorts of fertility symbols. Frogs seem to be popular; do you know of any others?

7. Stop thinking about the cute little sweet smelling babies.

8. Convince myself that now really isn't the time to have another baby.

9. Stop taking prenatal vitamins on the off chance that this really is our month (okay, I really am not willing to stop the vitamins).

10. Make plans that would be hindered by the presence of a newborn. Any ideas on things to plan? i just have a hard time thinking in terms of "no baby".

If you know of any other sure-fire ways for me to get pregnant, please let me know!