Interesting Day

My thoughts are in a jumble today.

I had an awesome morning that involved 2 hours to myself. Well, 2 hours getting my hair done for almost 200 dollars. It was totally worth every last penny, even though I had to pull from 3 different bank accounts to do it. One may think that I shouldn't spend that kind of money on myself, but I say shame on them! LOL...actually, it is the first time I have really had my hair done in years. I have had it trimmed and I have had my share of bad cheap haircuts, but today I got a cut, style, and COLOR that I am HAPPY with! Yes, friends, I am now a semi-redhead! Look out, Sandy!

Following the salon, there was a chic lunch out with my mother. We haven't had a nice, sit on the patio, and eat yummy food kind of lunch together in YEARS! Are you seeing the trend? The moments and the conversation were only slightly marred by my screeching son.

You see, L has decided that it is very satisfying to screech when he is confined to a place he no longer wishes to be. This wouldn't be so bad, except that saying "shhh" and covering his mouth makes him giggle and then screech again so that he can say "shhhh" and cover his own mouth. It is so hard to be upset with such a happy child. Thank goodness for outdoor seating, beautiful days, and forgiving strangers who somehow managed to convince us that they thought he was as charming as he thought he was!

L and I have the house to ourselves tonight as the grandparents are spending one last night on their sailboat before they sell it this week. I am truly enjoying the time without feeling like L and I need to be on our best behavior.

In the midst of all this happy, though, I was struck rather forcefully by a thought I just can't shake. I rarely get "feelings" and the few that I get are usually accurate in some way.

There I was bebopping along with L in the car. We were singing "Rubber Ducky" out of tune and at the top of our lungs. We were having an awesome time when all of a sudden the voice in my head started talking.

The gist of the conversation I had with myself (I really am not crazy) was that this is it. L will be my only and that it is okay. It really is. There was a little more to it, but that was the important part.

I have no idea why I had this thought at this time. I haven't even remotely been worrying about trying to get pregnant recently. I have been sad because I am not pregnant and I knew that I would start thinking of trying again soon, but it has not been something I have been actively worrying about since G left for RS.

I am not going to be able to put away my desire for more children very easily, but I really feel as if something inside me is telling me that worrying and hoping will not make it come to be. In a strange way, I am at peace with the thought. I really am. I hope that this peace holds.

L is such a blessing, how can I not be thankful and happy?

Just when I think that I have things figured out, L changes the rules on me. He lets me think that I make the rules, but they truly are found in some secret toddler handbook that circulates out of parental reach with the sole purpose of making parents crazy.

For weeks (I would almost say months) he has had a great schedule of getting up between 6 and 7, napping almost exactly from 12-2, and then going to bed by 8. There have been some slight variations from this, but that blessed routine has seemed to be the norm, for the most part.

Just when I get comfortable with that, WHAM! He decided this weekend that he was tired at 10 in the morning and for 3 days took a nap from 10-12. He asked to take a nap, going to the door to our room and saying "Ni Ni, pweeez". Who can argue with that?

The problem with an nap at 10 is that it leaves a very long window to bedtime. He doesn't really need 2 naps a day, but taking one that early creates some issues. We worked on it and bumped bedtime up a bit.

Then today, he asks to take two naps! TWO! One at 10 and the other at 4. Each lasted approximately 90 minutes. Now, here we are at bedtime and I am lost. He changed the rules and didn't tell me the new ones. TODDlERS, I tell you!

FWIW, he went right to bed an hour after his usual bedtime. He laid down without a problem, told me he loved me, and snuggled his two puppies. The problem is that it is now thirty minutes past the revised bedtime and he is singing and talking in his crib, jumping up and down, and generally not sleeping. This wouldn't be a problem except that we share a room. I am desperately tired and can't go to bed until he goes to sleep!

Someone has to have the clue book to this game!

I am so very selfish.

I want my husband to succeed at the task at hand (his, not mine) because I want him to be successful, but I want him to do it in a manner that means he doesn't have to repeat any phases.

I don't know what I will do if I have to LIVE here more than 4 more weeks. I really don't know. It just that it isn't my home, but it is not a place the L or I can relax in any form if we aren't asleep.

All I know is that this is not something I want to do ever again. Remind me of that if I ever start saying "It will be easier" or "I will have help" because it is NOT easier and I DON"T have help.