Baby Fever? I think so.

It took a bout with a stomach bug to wake me up to the fact that I am NOT okay with giving up on trying to have another (and maybe more than another) baby. Those hours on Friday when I was merely nauseous and not outright sick were so reminiscent of morning sickness that I couldn't help but have my heart jump at the thought of another pregnancy.

I wasn't lying when I said I was okay with the prospect of having just one child. I really was okay with it; THEN. Now is a different matter.

Friends all over the country (both friends in real life and cyber sisters like no others) are giving birth and embarking on the journey as moms to two or more children. It is a trip I want to take.

I WANT MORE BABIES!!!!!!

The thought of never holding and nursing another infant leaves me hollow inside. The thought of never watching a child of mine take his or her first steps leaves me with a sorrow I can't describe. The thought that I could be finished right now with all aspects of mothering a baby almost brings me to tears. Not because I want my son to stay a baby forever, but because I just know I want another baby.

I somehow KNOW that I was meant to mother children. Not child...children. It is funny how I just seem to know that deep inside me there are other children waiting to be conceived and born. It is funny and sad.

Now, I guess we just need to formulate the plan on how to make it all happen. In all reality (with a few months "off") we have been trying for almost 2 years to conceive our second child. I have books to read that I bought and then put on the shelf because I wasn't ready to admit I have a fertility problem. I have doctors' appointments to make so that I can see what kind of assistence we can get through the army system. I have weight to lose (a lot) and I have a body to work on getting into shape.

Here's to babies and trying to have them.

Mother, wife, woman. That is who I am and what I do.

Cook, laundress, maid. These are also who I am and what I do.

Playmate, confidante, teacher. Yep, all me!

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of becoming a famous doctor. I had visions of walking on the moon. I believed I could do anything and be anyone I wanted to be. I was right, but not in the ways I thought.

I am not a famous doctor. The closest I come is band-aids and thermometers. I have never been to the moon, but I routinely keep my son from climbing there! Instead of managing investment portfolios for people who have money, I struggle to balance our checkbook each month and keep it from bouncing. I am an army wife and a mother.

If you had asked me 10 years ago when I graduated from high school where I would be today, I would never have dreamed I would be here in upstate NY waiting to experience my first real winter. Yet here I sit poring over websites featuring boots rated to -32 degrees (yes, you read that right) and parkas that would keep anything warm.

Don't get me wrong, I love every minute of my life. Well, make that 99.9999% of every minute! There is just something about putting the welfare of my family in the front seat that makes me wonder what could have been. In reality, though, knowing what wouldn't have been if I had gone a different route keeps me from delving too deeply for now!

Where would I be if I exchanged my "Hi, Mama" with a kiss for a more traditonal alarm? I wouldn't be snuggling a wiggly giggly 2 year old at 7 in the morning, that is for sure!