Answers and Questions

Tuesday we managed to snag a same day appt with a family practice doctor on post. I could write pages on how awful that doctor was, but won't. In spite of many issues with him, he did line up an appointment for Liam to see the ortho on site that afternoon. While we waited, Liam had blood drawn and another x-ray of his leg taken.

The ortho was very laid back, calm, and informed. He confirmed the diagnosis of Legg-Calves-Perthes Disease and showed us what it was in the x-ray that indicated this condition. He also showed us the x-ray of a child (anonymous) who was in an early stage of the disease. It seems that Liam has actually had this since March (at least) so it will probably only be another 18 months for it to run its course on this leg.

About 20% of children get LCP Disease bilaterally (in both legs), but he said he saw no indication of the disease in Liam's right leg. This is a relief to us because it would be showing by now (statistically speaking) if he were going to have the problem in his right leg as well.

Our fear that Liam would have problems walking until this heals was put to rest. He is limping because the hip is inflamed and painful. As he stays off the hip, it will become less inflamed and Liam will be able to walk normally again. The ortho indicated that there was no need to pull L out of gymnastics but that we would not want to take him when he is actively limping (duh). When he is not in pain, we have no reason to curb his activities.

Gabe and I were reassured to find out that this is not a result of anything we did or let him do. It just happens. As hard as it is to see Liam pulling himself around in a modified crawl, it would be so much harder to imagine that we weren't diligent enough to prevent this from happening.

We left the clinic feeling better about what Liam is going through, knowing that his age is a positive thing (he has much more time to fully heal), with an appt to return for a follow-up next week with the ortho we saw, and with an appt to take Liam to Syracuse to see a pediatric ortho just in case anything was missed here.

Liam's appointments to date are as follows: January 4- Syracuse to see the pediatric GI for issues totally unrelated to recent events; January 5- here to follow-up with this ortho; January 11- Syracuse to see the pediatric ortho.

January is going to be quite the busy month. Thanks to all who are praying with us and who have expressed support in any way. Good friends really help in situations like this one.

We haven't learned anything new, but should be seeing a pediatrician tomorrow to start the referral process for Liam's leg. He still can't support weight on his left hip and he gets very frustrated at times over his inability to walk.

Even with his frustration, I am constantly amazed at the way he has adapted to all of this. He almost doesn't complain at all. He sure doesn't complain as much as *I* would if I were suddenly rendered incapable of walking. When he wants to go somewhere and can't walk he just gets down and crawls.

He didn't fuss at all on the drive home from VA, but we did cut the 9 hour drive in half and spent a night on the road last night. He played in the hotel last night and got back in the car happily this morning. Thank goodness for the portable DVD player so that he had Thomas, Bob, and Blue to keep him company on the journey.

In spite of his supposed immobility, he has managed to drag a chair into the kitchen, climb onto it, and grab the chocolate off the counter. He got this for Christmas and the stool is rather unstable so I put a small chair in its place. When I looked again he was sitting on top of the stool ON TOP OF THE CHAIR. Can someone tell me how one is supposed to keep a toddler still and resting when the toddler won't do it? Anyone?

FEAR

I thought I knew fear before. I have had fear of dangerous things, new situations and people, and sometimes I have been afraid when my husband was driving. None of that compares to the fear I feel right this minute. It is fear for my child.

Yesterday (Christmas Eve) he started to limp around. He didn't appear to be in pain, but he couldn't support his own weight on his little legs. My active and energetic little boy was sitting in laps or, when on the floor, saying "help me" over and over. He was confused and so were we.

This has happened twice before and both times it went away by the next morning or before we could get him in to see a doctor. This morning, though, he seems worse and he hurts.

I would be sad for him if I thought he had injured himself in some way, but this inexplicaple handicap truly terrifies me. There are few things worse than dreading the unknown. Hopefully, the trip we are going to take to the ER in a little while will give us some answers, but I have to be prepared for it not to (there were no answers the first time).



Edited to add:

After 4 hours in the ER on Christmas Day we seem to have a diagnosis. It appears that Liam is suffering from something called Legg-Calves-Perthes Disease and everything I am reading makes me more and more sad. This website has more of the same information.

Now we have a GI referral in Syracuse on January 4 and the need to pursue Orthopaedics as well.

This poor child can't catch a break. Seeing him limp around breaks my heart.

Merry Effing Christmas

Sandra linked this commercial on her blog yesterday. Check it out.

Thinking...

Living in an Army town I take for granted the value of patiotism. I am surrounded by it. Houses fly the American Flag with pride here. People stand for the Pledge of Allegiance and remove their hats. The movie theaters on military installations always open with "The National Anthem". I take all of this for granted.

Last night I missed living on post fiercely. Though we are in government quarters here, we do not live on Fort Drum and I miss living by the bugle. When we were at Fort Benning, I could tell the time by the bugle calls through the day and they were a comforting part of my life. I felt safe and I felt proud.

In remembering my time living on post, I started thinking about patriotic songs. I was struck at how few there really are. Sure, there are the old classics; "The Star Spangled Banner", "America the Beautiful", and "God Bless America". What we are lacking, though, are new and modern patriotic songs. Other than "God Bless the U.S.A." I can't really think of one.

I am saddened by the realization that artists don't consider it a worthy (insert: revenue generating) venture to compose and sing patriotic songs. I am saddened even further to remember from my teaching years how many students couldn't recite "The Pledge of Allegiance" or sing "The Star Spangled Banner" from memory.

Where did the pride in being American go? Is there even a way to get it back?

UPDATE: Since drafting this I have found another patriotic song here. It is really worth the listen and the video is nice as well.

I guess all patriotism isn't lost.

Yay for good neighbors! Greg (husband to Tiffany) just got home and laid out salt for the whole building. Gotta love a soldier who gets in after 8pm and takes care of business before he even goes upstairs to hug his family. He assured me that I don't need to shovel a spot out for Gabe because the snow shouldn't be a problem.

Can you hear my sigh of relief? I really didn't want to brave the elements at bedtime!

Welcome to New York (upstate)

It looks like this weekend we are finally going to get a taste of upstate NY living. It is finally snowing. There is snow in the forcast for the next ten days. It started snowing after dark and if it starts to accumulate guess who gets to go and shovel?

Nope, not him! He will be sleeping soundly with his stuffed puppy when the shoveling happens tonight.

Nope, not him either! He won't be home until late late late and he is the reason that I am donning the boots and hat and wielding the shovel.

The bright side is that 30 minutes of snow shoveling will earn me 2 Weight Watchers activity points; just enough to enjoy a cup of hot chocolate when I am finished.

Night night and sleep tight to all my friends.

My day has been a series of "why"s and it is not because my toddler (see cute picture) has started questioning everything under the sun. He, at least, is content with the state of the universe. I am the one who can't seem to get my world figured out.

Why can't I seem to post a picture in my sidebar? (sandy? any thoughts?) Don't even get me started on the lack of links over there.

Why did I take all day figuring out how to post the same picture from below into my signature block for a this discussion site? Really, the laundry remained in the dryer and washer (ick...must rewash), the dishes are still sitting from breakfast and yet I refused to let the picture issue rest.

Why do I care so much?

Why is Jeff Wiggle purple? The other three are primary colors. Purple is very closely related to blue and even can be confused with blue when the color on the TV isn't the best. Why not green? WHY??????

Why can't I get this song out of my head. It really is annoying and bad but it is so darn cute when Liam hee-haws with me. I guess you could say that this is the Downey Family Christmas song. Sad, I know.

Why can't I get in gear and do one small workout. One. I just want to do ONE. DAMN. WORKOUT. I don't want to move mountains, I just want my kid to nap long enough for me to Walk Away the Pounds

Speaking of this, why won't my child nap? WHY????

Why is my dog whiny?

Why can't my husband have a job where he can come home before dark every once in a while. I miss the last year in GA when he had a regular schedule with more predictable hours. I know it was not a "real" army life, but it was nice.

Why do I enjoy watching my son lick the icing off of the cookies we just spent 20 minutes decorating (this was after naptime so the sugar didn't contribute to lack of sleep). Is there anything cuter than a 2 year old with white icing and sprinkles on his face and a naked sugar cookie in his hand? ANYTHING?

Why is it that I wait 29 years to live somewhere that has honest to goodness snow and then IT DOESN'T! Seriously, we have had one small snowfall and it is approaching mid-December. I know...I know...I will be sick of it by March or April, but I am like a kid waiting for Christmas. I can't wait to take Liam sledding and show him how to make a snow angel. Come on already. SNOW!

Why did the storytime at Borders have to stink. It was BAD. Even the fact that I got to drink a yummy coffee concoction didn't save the experience. Liam was so bored he kept turning around to read other books out loud (ad da ay cow moo). I don't think we will be returning there for storytime.

Is the universe truly against me or do I just need to change my routine and shake things up? I really think I need some changes around here.

The plan as we approach winter (though where said winter is I have no idea) is to have at least one activity that gets us out of the house 4 days a week. I don't think that is too ambitious. So far, we have gymnastics on fridays, library storytime (very well done) on Wednesdays, and the option to go to the indoor playground on post whenever we want between the hours of 9 and noon monday through friday.

my little man...gotta love him! 

I have had many people check in with me after my most recent post and for that, I thank you, friends. It really does help to know that there are others out there who either understand or care about what I am going through. It really does help.

I haven't wanted to post in here until I could really actually write something that was neither whiny nor depressing. I am happy to say that while I don't think I am out of the worst of things, I really do feel somewhat better. I. Really. Do. (see, if I say it enough, it really sounds good!)

Now, let me tell you about some joys in my life because I think I have been too focused on the negative and have pushed the positive away for a while.

In the last few weeks, I have experienced the joy of a first snow through the eyes of a 2 year old. I don't think my own first snow experience could in any way match his. He ran around with his face lifted to the sky and saying with a voice of wonder "nos nos nos...mama, nos" If you can't guess, "nos"= snow in his unique and emerging language.

I also hosted 10 adults, 5 toddlers and a newborn for a Thanksgiving feast. There was help with the food, but I felt quite accomplished at having such an event in my house. Our house. It was such a grown-up moment. Am I the only one out there who sometimes wonders what happened and when I grew up? Anyway, it was a true military "family" event and went a long way towards reminding me what this life is all about and how much my friends and neighbors mean to this way of life. We are a family away from family and I am blessed in that.

A lot of my joy is centered around my family so here is another one. Though I don't homeschool my son in a formal sense, we have really started to have life lessons and I am thrilled at the way he soaks up learning and knowledge. Of course, we have been constantly "teaching" him since he was born, but it is so exciting to see how he processes new information and takes it in. Some examples are seen on here. I am constantly amazed at the things he can learn and at the rate he learns them.

I didn't do a "thanksgiving" post because I was so incredibly busy, but I think I can sum my thanks up to just these few things.

Family, both immediate and extended, who love and support me.

Friends who understand most of the time and who support and care even when they don't understand.

My husband (yes, I know he is family, but he is so much more than that) who loves me and lifts me up when I don't think I can go on. He knows when he needs to give more and he knows when he needs to back off and let me work things out on my own. Such intuitive love is hard to come by. We are struggling with a difficult situation of fertility and he is honest and open with me about his feelings. We are in this together and we are the proud parents of one incredible miracle named Liam no matter what else happens.

My son (again, I know he is family...but he is a class all his own). I give thanks for him every single day. He is the joy of my life with his innocence and earnest headlong race into life. I am so grateful to be along for the ride I call Liam. So far there are many more ups than downs on his roller coaster!

There is no way to say this that doesn't sound trite, but I am also ever so thankful for my husband and his colleagues and what they do to protect my freedoms to speak my mind, worship as I wish, and be completely stupid when the occassion calls for it. I truly believe in what our troops are doing to better the world and though we live our lives with the constant fear that Gabe will be called overseas to do his part, I am thankful for our commitment as a family to serve our country in this way. When I hear comments that minimize what our troops do and why they do it I have to remind myself that it is freedom of speech for all americans that is being protected and that it is a beautiful thing to see that freedom in action even if I don't personally agree with the comments being made. I firmly believe that without our service men and women we would not hear such diversity of opinions everywhere we go.

I give thanks daily for these blessings in my life but it is nice to remind myself every once in a while!